Monday, May 19

Let me take a moment... possibly embarrass my sister. While our mother was ironing yesterday, she found a piece of paper at the bottom of her sewing box; upon it was a passage that had been written by my sister while she was in the process of getting her drivers license. I decided that it needs to read by more people than just myself and my mother:

"After this life is done and we have gone on to the hereafter we will find perdition to be unlike what we have been taught. We will not find a lake of fire or a seven headed beast, Hell will be a monstrous DMV. The mythical walls of flame will be pallid and over air conditioned office walls. Instead of molten rocks pelting the damned, there will be new laws to memorialize with intense frequency. Sinners will be forced to wait in lines for decades only to be told that they were in the wrong line or forgot pertinent information. They will have to take driving test after driving test. With feet trembling, palms perspiring, teeth chattering, and head throbbing, the damned will embark on infinite tests, each one impossible to pass. From time to time, the sinners may be allowed to "practice" on normal roads, perfect drivers every one, but not one will be able to pass the test to save their soul. The woeful transgressors will look up to heaven in agony to see saints floating about. There will be no need for cars in Eden. There will be no hard of hearing employees who don't speak your language and don't care if they don't understand you, in heaven. Alas, the damned will cry for forgiveness but will be told to go to the end of the line for making so much noise. Car registration will be good for five minutes and handicap parking will always be taken by able bodied employees. Take heed in my warning lest you become a damned driver for all eternity."


alexae said...

Embarassed? It still sounds like a pretty good modern interpretation of hell. Go 16 year old me!

sarah said...

Really! That's awesome.